Bruce Willis wouldn't put up with this

For the most part, I live my life through a heady cloud of cowardice. I may run my mouth on occasion and make the odd innapropriate comment, but in general I'm a big sweaty pussy. I lay my accomplishments out on the floor like shredded paper and laugh. Oh how I laugh. God, I loathe myself.

If I could ask the greatest man who ever lived what he would do in my shoes what would he say? What would Bruce Willis do differently?

Well for one thing he wouldn't be drifting through life without any direction. Fuck no. Mr Willis would have found his calling and gone after it like a fierce.....animal...of some kind.

Would he gaze at his shoes, chew his lip, fidget, while a parade of beautiful women sashay through his life calling for him to seduce them? Cock! He'd bend those gorgeous dames over the nearest flat surface and roger the living daylights out of them.

Would he politely decline as the smarmy money-collection-twat asks for a donation for the second time? Sure he would....if he was, like, unconcsious or something. Otherwise he's grab that ballbag by his collar, lift him off the ground and throw his quivering carcass beneath the wheels of the next passing automobile.

I love you Bruce Willis. If I could be just a smidge more like you I think I could almost live with myself.